anyway, it's just back to the beginning,

Hi. i was really confused last night. Cause i dont know the details, but i know who they're talking about, yeah it's me. I dont know, but some things have got to happen anyway. It's alright lah. Is this how the devil works, making you so incredibly happy, then just tearing you down the next moment, it was just so mean of him. I apologise Steffi, i'm really sorry. I'll tell you sorry now kay :) No __ to represent someone or anything. Straight and direct. But okay, just treat it like i've never known you guys, it's my first day of sch this monday, you guys have known since pri school, been good friends since then, nth happened in between :)

I'm not afraid to accept what has happened, i know i'm still torn up and broken, but there's a time for tears, and it's alr over.

and okay, for YOU. Don't call me whatever, you've never been a good friend yourself, all this while. If someone is fake, you're the top of the list. I'm just sorry to Steffi, whom i really pledged myself to be good friends with and to stop saying bad things about, cause i've realised i've been mean, and i dont like the mean sophia, she sucks. But it just so happens when i really wanted to abandon my bad side, and to just encourage my friend and love her and be awesome friends with her, she found out about what happened before. And i apologise for that Steffi, i know you're disppointed, you don't have to be friends with me if you want to, i alr told you that i'm not gonna try to defend myself about this, but trust that i wasn't such a B all this while. I changed when i found out what a great friend you were, how encouraging you were to me when i told you about Kendra and Jolene. I wanted to be the same friend to you, and to stop lying and gossiping. I wanted to put aside the awful past that you found out. I'm sorry to Steffi, she has every right to hang back out with you guys. I've done what i could to stop saying bad things abt her, but up till now, you're still the same aren't you?

I can't help but wonder who am i gonna talk to in school now? When asked of who are my bestest friends in school, what's there to respond? After the exams, who am i gonna celebrate my birthday with? Am i just gonna go home and watch my tv and play my computer? Is what i originally planned for my birthday and my holidays all ruined? I couldn't help but think of all these. AHHH. it's just really really horrible.

And last night was the worst. I kept crying when i saw what they wrote about me, i know they hate me and all but it was just so sarcarstic but those words were just so hurtful. Why must they think that way, when i try to be friendly and i tried to help. oh my goodness, i cried till i was so tired, i was so lost and downcasted, that i simply wanted to cry myself to sleep you know?! I can't imagine all the bad words Kendra would be saying when she sees this. I think she might not see it, but when she does, i can imagine how she would be contradicting everything i say. Putting up a debate within herself, and the next thing she'll do would be to call Jolene, and the two of them would bitch about how irritating i am, how artificial and all. Then when they go to school, they'll tell Steffi, they'll tell Zan, they'll talk about it for the whole day, AHHH I CANT IMAGINE. I may be too sensitive, but that's not impossible,and ughh i dont care. I really don't care. Talk then, read this and fire up you B. You never cared about me did you, if you're ignoring me out of your life, i don't have a choice but to follow suit. I said at the end of the day i still loved you, but no, not anymore. i don't say vulgarities, even if i just show signs, but now, FUCK OFF BITCH. Go and hunt back the life that ran away from your deceitful heart.

Yeah, i'm ego like that. I SUCK. I'm judging you. so what, SUE ME.

Okay, i crossed that out instead of just erasing it, because i wanted to show you what i originally wanted to say. But, i was reminded of Jesus, who died for our sins, so that we'll stop being sinners, stop doing bad, and that would have just broke His heart, don't you think? I dont know why i even typed all those. Maybe i'm really that mean? If i am, why do i pray for? Why do i even want to do quiet time? What's the church?

I'M TALKING TOO MUCH. JUST CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS SOPHIA.

and i will stop here. I've said enough. I don't to think of this ever again. I'll start afresh on monday, new friends, new life, new attitude. The devil's just trying to dsitract me from my studies, but because of that, i promised i'll work even harder. I didn't forget what i told myself, and what i promised my dear friend Grace, the things i wrote in my notebok are still there and ready anytime for me to follow :)

cya then. it's maths day, HAHA
-Sophia